'YOU'LL HAVE WATER'
'I'll have steak and eggs'
'YOU'LL HAVE STEAK AND EGGS'
'Can I have the the omelette'
'YOU WANT THE OMELETTE'
'I'll have the full breakfast'
'YOU'LL HAVE THE FULL BREAKFAST'
'Can we get the bill please?'
'YOU WANT THE BILL'
Not a great way to begin another blazing morning, being patronised to within an inch of our lives by the most annoying, monotous waitress ever.
Onwards. This time giving the car nice regular rests 'twixt towns.
In one little backwater we decided to stop at some kind of outlet that sold, food, useful things, souvenirs guns but most importantly - Jesus T-shirts.
Owen went for 'Pick Jesus' beautifully written into a plectrum and being the rockin' dude I am, I opted for 'Stick with Jesus' and a drum kit. But you can't buy christian paraphernalia without offsetting this good deed and doing some Winona Ryder-style shoplifting. So I decided to tink these nifty specs as I've always wanted to look like one of The Golden Girls.
We were heading for Williams and thankfully had 'three tickets to Paradise' at The Holiday Inn. Not a lot to do in 'lil ol' Williams. I chose to dine alone in the hotel restaurant and Ian and Owen went to get some shambolic takeaway.
Then we hit the pool and the hot-tub. This was a family place and it was here that we really had to get the potty-mouth in check as filthy Brits we had no idea just how much we were cussing. There was a very perturbing pigeon-chested, handlebar-moustached lothario already in the hot-tub who gave us a sly 'hey what's going on' that fair chilled the blood...
We splashed, we romped, we took part in 'all manner of prohibited activities', leaving only Heavy Petting out of the equation. Then it was time to make our way out of the pool, much to my chagrin as I had just found a couple of beach balls in a nearby Wendy House!
We had a few jars (Boddingtons!) in the bar - even though I am the oldest of the triumverate it was I who was ID'd, what with having the face of a feral child.
On the return to the room I have never seen Owen break out and LOL so much as I did when we flicked onto HBO and their graphic depiction of very fat people having very naughty adult hug time.
Here I am lapping up the filth (excuse the poor photography).
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